Written 4 Feb:
On February 3rd, I was sitting next to Lori’s hospital bed at MVH Hospital working on a laptop and listening to a song called Difference Maker by NEEDTOBREATHE. At this time, Lori was still responsive when we asked direct questions. It was common however for her to fade out of a conversation and simply fall asleep. If we asked her about her pain, she described the location and she rated the pain. If she had to go to the bathroom, she was shaky walking there, but she could go on her own strength fairly reliably. Her motor skills were diminished but not yet to an extreme amount. She slept most of the time, and her movements were slow and stiff.
While I listened to the song, I had my back turned about 45 degrees away from the bed, so I wasn’t facing her directly. Near the middle of the song, she sprang up and moved into the seat with me (nearly knocked me off). I thought she was falling out of bed, and I started to move to catch her before I realized that she was intentionally moving fast because she wanted to sit with me. I gladly relinquished half of my seat, and she wrapped her arms around my torso and put her head on my shoulder.
She repeated the words “You’re so strong” over and over. She wasn’t crying but she had that elevated pitch in her voice which happens just short of crying. She had listened to the song and watched me work next to her. She wanted me to know she loved me and was appreciative of me being there to support her. It was exactly how a man likes to be praised. What man doesn’t love to hear his woman tell him how strong he is while resting her head on his shoulder? Honestly, that is all a man wants in life. We men show off for girls starting at a very young age, and we never stop. It’s always on our minds. For crying out loud, when I play church softball, there is a vastly different feeling for me when she’s at the game as compared to when she’s absent. No kidding, I care more and play harder when she’s watching even though she wouldn’t care either way about my actual performance. I remember a pickup basketball game at Ft Bragg (I was over 30 years old) where she walked into the gym mid-play, and I upped my game immediately. She rarely came to the gym when I play basketball, so this was my moment. I’m kinda awesome at basketball, so I blew it up as you can imagine. Those poor high schoolers received an epic old-man beat down that day. It is pitiful how much men want their women to notice them and to acknowledge our strength and ability to take care of them. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that. Heck, my boys are already doing it when they are around girls. And they have no filter so you get to see it raw. They’ll literally flex in front of a mirror and ask me if they look bigger after eating their vegetables. So you can understand that when she repeatedly exclaimed “you’re so strong”, she was hitting the sweet spot. I knew she wasn’t talking about my muscles, but I allowed myself to believe it was both in admiration of my emotional support as well as my biceps.
So we sat together in the chair in her hospital room, and she continued to pour out love and praise. The coolest thing about it was that this wasn’t anything new. She always supported me from the very beginning. When we were dating, she started following Cincinnati Reds baseball and UK basketball because I was into it. In pilot training, I struggled for a while early on. I flew a lot with the flight commander for a week or two, and we debriefed after each flight. One day, the squadron sponsored a spouse orientation day where they gave the ladies a tour of the building, simulators, and planes on the flightline. Apparently, she asked question after question after question. My flight commander loved her, and he was raving about how great it was to host her that day. During my debrief of the next day’s flight, my flight commander spent 10 minutes telling me to tap into Lori as a resource to help me improve. He encouraged me to go home and try to answer every question that she had about what I was learning. If I could teach it to Lori, then I would truly know the material. By the end of that year, Lori knew all of the traffic pattern radio position reports, the BOLDFACE emergency procedures, and answers to all of the questions in the master question files. When I met her, she was already passionate about plastic pipe molds and the city’s water sanitation system. Why? Because her dad was once a sanitation engineer and he also designed molds for a Plastics Co. during most of her growing up years. Her brothers got into NASCAR, and she became a huge fan too. I don’t think she cared one bit about the sport. She was just interested in everything that everyone she loved did. Lori loved to love people and her genuine desire to know them better led her to like NASCAR of all things.
She never assumed that she would fail. The assumption was that she was always good enough for whatever she wanted to do. For everyone who asks “how did you get on the show?” in response to her appearance on Wheel of Fortune, the short answer is that she believed she could. That is the truest thing I’ve written so far. She never doubted, and she pursued it as if it was going to happen. That’s why she succeeded. That and her bubbly personality and steel-trap puzzle-solving mind.
Fearless and confident. That’s how she made babies too. Big belly! Big babies!
She was a visionary. We made a mission statement because of her initiative. Now I have that mission statement as an enduring gift. Think how big that is for the kids too. It was the result of two days of soul searching by both of us to define the absolute most important things that she and I valued in life.
Leadership came naturally to her. I often wondered what she could do if unleashed in public office. She flipped a POA board on it’s head through pure grit, an ironclad will, and perfect charisma. If you put Lori in a room full of leaders and gave them all a group project to complete, she always emerged as the team leader. It did not matter how headstrong the other “leaders” were. It was uncanny how they deferred to her eventually. I saw it happen so many times. Despite her default leadership setting, she humbled herself and deferred to my leadership in our marriage more often than not. When I failed, she stepped in and gently coaxed me back on course.
As a wife and mother, I don’t know how to describe it. She was just pure love. Tough but very tender.
Although she was passionate about many things, she was most passionate about Jesus Christ. After her diagnosis, she remained strong. She never cried about her terminal diagnosis, and I know it’s true that she was never afraid. She never became emotional about her own plight. However, she immediately cried (celebrated) and showed deep emotion when friends and family reported to her that they found a footing for their faith in God because of her example. She loved to hear about friends finding Christ or following Him more nearly. I think it dominated her thoughts particularly when she was at her lowest points physically. The day she jumped out of bed to sit with me in the hospital, she again prayed and begged for her friends to find Him! She wanted to share what she had inside with everyone she knew.
Tonight, she bolted out of her bed and ran to wrap her arms around her man so she could praise Him and admire His strength. She told Him repeatedly “You’re so strong”. She’s into what He’s into. He’s into feeding the homeless and caring for the needy. He gives water that eternally quenches thirst. He prefers to be with the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, the pure in heart, and the peacemakers. He’s into loving His enemies. He prays and fasts and stores up treasures in places where no one can break in and steal. He never worries about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself. He’s chooses the narrow paths, and He speaks absolute truth. He’s into healing and miracles and faith and commanding the weather. He is all powerful, but He also likes fishing and camping by the lake, building furniture with His hands and mending nets. He defines sacrifice. He’s into storytelling and teaching. He leaves the 99 to find the 1 that is lost. He offers unearned grace and peace and mercy. He conquered death once and for all. The true undisputed champion.
Lori’s spirit left this Earth today, and I know she’s complete now. I felt it in the moment. I was never her #1 man, and that’s how it should be. She lived for eternity, and at this exact moment she’t inheriting her full reward. We should all hope to live as rightly and to die as honorably as she.
February 6, 2016 at 9:40 PM
I’m so sorry to hear. I will continue to pray for your family.
February 6, 2016 at 9:41 PM
Oh Mark. You are her completion. Her perfect companion in life and you’ve demonstrated it once more. Thank you for allowing us to take this journey with you. Love you so much. See you soon.
February 6, 2016 at 9:42 PM
Weeping w you..praising shes in Jesus’ arms.
February 6, 2016 at 9:42 PM
I don’t have any words Mark, except that my heart has been heavy these last few days and especially today as the Holy Spirit has prompted me to pray for all of you.
Your words and the truth of Christ and His love is so evident in how you write, how you and your family have lived a D loved.
I know that I do not know you, but Lori and I spent time together when she was doing ministry in Wilmore.
I am thankful that she is with the Lord, praising Him and resting pain free in His arms, but my heart deeply hurts for the loss of her being here on this earth as a mother, wife, friend.
We will continue to pray and lift you up for the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years to come.
May the Lord continue to weave a beautiful tapestry of her life and yours together and the amazing power of His redemption and ability to make beauty from the ashes of this life.
Joanna
February 6, 2016 at 9:48 PM
Yes now she gets to feel great again and praise God in his presence. Lori & Grandma Jan are playing dueling pianos.
February 6, 2016 at 9:50 PM
Prayers and thoughts are with you and your family during this time. Thank you for consistently pointing everyone to the Lord through all of this through your words and unwavering faith in Him. May God bless you greatly for giving thanks in all circumstances.
February 6, 2016 at 9:51 PM
Thank you, Mark, for your unfailing testimony. To God be the glory. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
February 6, 2016 at 9:56 PM
Weeping for all of you, and oh I will miss her so. What an amazing tribute you have written. May we all love our Lord the way that she did and what a strong and inspiring women she was. Praising that she is whole and with him now…worshipping.
February 6, 2016 at 9:57 PM
Such beautiful words for a beautiful life. My heart is broken for you, Mark, yet full of gratitude for the love you knew in Lori and for the eternity she is now fully embracing. Two nights ago, my son, Isaac, unusually woke in the middle of the night. He likes for me to rock him and sing, not a song, but just a melody of be-bas and be-bops. As I sang to him, I prayed for you and Lori, and as I did I realized that Isaac finds comfort in my “song” simply because it lets him know he’s not alone. I began praying that you and Lori would hear our Lord’s song, the most comforting of all songs from parent to child, and simply know that He is with you. I pray you continue to know that comfort even as Lori is now with Him face-to-face. I love you and your family, brother, and I am praying and crying with you.
February 10, 2016 at 1:03 AM
Love you Katy. Thanks
February 6, 2016 at 10:01 PM
What an amazing legacy. Praising God to have known her and to spend eternity with her! Sending so much love. So many prayers.
February 6, 2016 at 10:07 PM
So many prayers continue for your wonderful family. What a blessing that Lori is now free from pain and illness. I feel so blessed to have known Lori for this last year. What a wonderful legacy of faith she has left with us all.
February 6, 2016 at 10:08 PM
We are sending many prayers and much love your way.
February 6, 2016 at 10:09 PM
Tears of sorrow for our loss. Tears of joy for Lori’s presence with Christ! No more suffering. No more pain. Imagine her beautiful smile!
February 6, 2016 at 10:11 PM
Oh Mark- we are praying for your family here in KY. So sad to hear this, but also even more thankful that your family will one day be reunited and her body healed.
February 6, 2016 at 10:12 PM
Mark,
My heart is broken for you and yours. I trust that our God of all comfort will sustain you & the kids and provide in the days ahead, just as He has sustained and provided through this whole journey. He is near. What a beautiful love you shared with Lori. She loved Jesus and others so well. Indeed, her reward is great. Love you!
February 6, 2016 at 10:13 PM
I’m so sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you and your family
February 6, 2016 at 10:15 PM
So sorry for your loss. I don’t know you but I knew Lori as a student in high school. She played in one of the first band classes that I ever taught. So many years later I still see the beautiful sweet young girl I knew. She was a blessing then and from what I read that never changed. Prayers for you and yours
February 6, 2016 at 10:16 PM
What a legacy of faith and testament to God Lori has left behind and you will continue, Mark. Praising God through tears for Lori’s life!
February 6, 2016 at 10:17 PM
I’m so sorry Mark. We are crying with you.
When she went to the heaven, I believe she ran straightly to Jesus’s arm.
There’s no more pain, no more tears..
Biggest hope is we will see her again! My Mom is in heaven. She will come talk to Lori and introduce about heaven.
When I first met Lori, I was just impressed how beautiful she is inside out. She was very sweet. I think this tells her personality too. We squadron wives were at Cafe off base, Lori and I were in line to get coffee, she was several persons in front of me. But when she saw me, she turned her upper body and gave me a big smile. ‘Hi Chisato!!’
She was very sweet. I fell in love with her.
I keep praying for you and your family.
Hugs!
Chisato
February 6, 2016 at 10:17 PM
Mark you are truly an amazing man and husband. I love you and will be praying for you and the family. So glad I came in July to spend time with you and Lori on her birthday. I am so sorry .
February 6, 2016 at 10:21 PM
She is now wrapped in His arms. You all have have fought a battle that no one else could have fought so courageously or with such grace because of the strength you were as a family. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
February 6, 2016 at 10:21 PM
Thank you Mark. I’m so grateful I had the opportunity to have her in my life, even if just for a bit. She had the ability to make you feel loved and welcome. Her legacy will be all of those things and more.
February 6, 2016 at 10:22 PM
Mark, I am sorry for your loss and for everyone’s loss as she was so much to so many. Your words are beautiful, thank you for sharing the journey as painful as it was. I will continue to pray for you and your family and could never forget Lori and the wonderful spirit she was God Bless you and your family.
February 6, 2016 at 10:23 PM
Prayers for you all. Lori was always and continues to be a inspiration. I am proud to be privileged enough to know her and call you friends.
February 6, 2016 at 10:24 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss Mark. She was such an inspiration as she remained a devoted disciple and amazing witness of God’s love throughout her battle. This world is certainly a lesser place at her loss but I rejoice that she is now pain free and with her Father. I will continue to pray for you, your kiddos, and the rest of Lori’s family and friends. God bless you, Kaia
February 6, 2016 at 10:27 PM
Prayers for your family. What a wonderful writing of her life. May God continue to give you peace.
February 6, 2016 at 10:32 PM
I have no words, only prayers for you all.
February 6, 2016 at 10:32 PM
There are no words to express how sorry we are for your loss.
February 6, 2016 at 10:37 PM
Mark,
I met you and Lori at Wheel of Fortune where I was also a contestant. I will never forget our sweet conversation in the lobby of the hotel the night after she won big! I know I don’t know you very well but I’ve been following your journey, and I have to let you know how broken hearted I am for you. However, He is so faithful and Lori is in His loving arms. I pray for continued peace and for His love to be with you and the kids in the coming days and months.
-Alli Sanderson
February 10, 2016 at 1:05 AM
Thanks Alli
February 6, 2016 at 10:41 PM
I am so sorry for your heartbreak and loss. I opened up my year books yesterday just to take a look back and instantly the tears began to flow when i came to Lori’s picture, you just see her beauty and sweetness light up the page! Thank you for allowing us to be apart of your journey. I will continue to pray for your peace. God bless you all.
February 6, 2016 at 10:41 PM
I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. But I know your faith will sustain you and your children and all of Lori’s family and friends who loved her. May God wrap you all in His arms and flood you with His peace and His comforting Presence. Lori may have lost her battle with cancer but she won the real battle that matters more than anything. And she left behind a legacy that will continue to minister and speak to people for a long time to come. Rest in Jesus, sweet Lori. You have fought the good fight and finished the race.
February 6, 2016 at 10:44 PM
Mark, we are so sorry for your loss here on earth. We admire all you and Lori have done for Him in His journey he designed for you both. Through your trials, you have remained strong in Him. You have brought so many people closer to Him. Lori, her sweet smile and joyful personality, will be remembered always. May God bless you and your children always. We lift you in prayer in His name.
February 10, 2016 at 1:06 AM
Thanks Amanda. Miss you guys
February 6, 2016 at 10:46 PM
I am so sorry Mark. Lori left a legacy of love for Jesus, family, and life. She touched all those she met. Truly a remarkable woman. I find comfort know she was greeted with Jesus saying, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Prayers for your family during this difficult time.
February 6, 2016 at 10:52 PM
So sorry for your loss old friend. I’ve been following your posts for the last several months and your family has been on my mind a lot the last few days. You’re an amazing guy and we’re praying for you and the kids.
February 6, 2016 at 11:02 PM
I heard these verses recently and I immediately thought of Lori.
“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”
2 Timothy 4:17-18 NIV
Praying.
February 6, 2016 at 11:02 PM
My prayers are with you. Lori’s story- more importantly- her faith has touched my life. I am sad because she has left this world but thanking God for her. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
February 6, 2016 at 11:06 PM
Mark, thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. We will continue to lift you and the kids and the family in prayer. Your words have been so beautiful all along the way and the words you’ve written here could not be any sweeter for Lori and more glorifying to Him. From the very beginning you asked us all to join you and Lori in prayer for those whose lives would be touched by your story and who would come to know Him through it – you’ve both done a beautiful job being His light through the darkest of your days. So much love and prayers are being poured out for you from all over and I hope and pray you can feel His peace and comfort. ❤️
February 10, 2016 at 1:07 AM
Lori loved you very much Lacie. Thanks
February 6, 2016 at 11:07 PM
Mark,
You and Lori inspire me. I tend to say little because I feel the light needs to be on you and Lori, but this one time I want you know that I have always been listening and reading and have always been amazed by the love and strength that I saw. No words that I can say or write will do justice, but I can only hope I can be a little of all the good you two are. Thank you.
February 6, 2016 at 11:09 PM
It’s difficult finding words. Nikole is my connection to Lori and your family. I only hope you feel the love and sympathy we share from Washington state. I’m grateful we’re able to reach out to you, but even more grateful to Lori for the example of her life and its impact on me. She’s given me deeper perspective of the meaning of faith as I fight this disease a second time and as I view my future. I’m blessed to have her a part of my life. Sending prayers for you.
February 6, 2016 at 11:12 PM
Mark,
Your words are absolutely beautiful and couldn’t be more true. I haven’t seen Lori in a while but I ALWAYS saw her as a leader and someone who set such a great example in everything she did. Her life was lived as a testimony that will have a ripple effect for years and years. We are so saddened by her passing and have a hard time making sense of it, but we know where our true home is and that’s something to be thankful for and look forward to. You are loved and please know that if ever you need anything you just need to ask. There are many many prayers coming your way. Much love
February 6, 2016 at 11:14 PM
Mark, words cannot convey our sorrow. Please know that you are always in our hearts and prayers. Please let us know if we can do anything. Thank you for being a shining example to us all. May God bless thee and keep thee.
February 6, 2016 at 11:14 PM
I wish I had the words to correctly convey what I feel in my heart for you and you family but I do not. May the Holy Spirit continue to minister to you as He has so much already. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
February 6, 2016 at 11:16 PM
Mark and family, Lori’s and my path briefly crossed at Scott, but she was a fun spirit who just stayed with me in my memories. I am so sorry for your loss and please know so many friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who knew of her, are deeply saddened and sending prayers to you all. So sorry we just missed meeting again upon our move here to NC, but so glad for that last correspondence with her. She is already truly missed.
February 6, 2016 at 11:18 PM
Mark, we are so sorry to hear about your loss but we are rejoicing that she is with her Savior. Praying for you all!
February 6, 2016 at 11:22 PM
What a beautifully written testament to an amazing young woman. I was fortunate enough to be Lori’s third grade teacher. Her bubbly personality was so contagious and she was such a joy to teach. I am blessed to have known her. My heart is with you and all her family. May God hold you all in his living arms and give you strength.
February 6, 2016 at 11:22 PM
In our prayers God definitely gained an angel. Her story will live on. So amazing her faith was so deep and so encouraging
February 6, 2016 at 11:33 PM
We are heart broken. Lori was/is amazing in every way. We pray for you Mark, your family and all her friends. She made an indelible impression on our life and belief in Jesus Christ. Please give our son a hug Lori. God bless you. Never to be forgotten.
February 10, 2016 at 1:08 AM
We’re still praying for you two and your loss as well. Thanks.
February 6, 2016 at 11:34 PM
Prayers of support for you and the kids in a new way today. Lori was truly blessed to have you by her side through all of this.
February 6, 2016 at 11:36 PM
Mark, that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. Love you.
February 6, 2016 at 11:40 PM
I rejoice for Lori but am struggling w much sadness for the rest of us. Woody and I are praying for all of you, Mark. Thank you for sharing some of your journey with the rest of us. Lori was just precious and I am thankful to have known her.